Tuesday, August 27, 2013

"My First Call" ~Psalm 91

     Facebook, Twitter, Texting, Instant Messaging, multiple email accounts, cell phones…how communication has changed in the last ten years!   My husband will tell you I’m not any good at setting these things up or maintaining them, but I use them constantly.  Most of the time I find them convenient and helpful, although sometimes God has to remind me not to let my usage time and focus on them take the place of more important things.
     I use these tools daily at work and also to stay connected to old friends and distant
family, but I find the most important role they play in my life is that of “kid-tracker.”  Because of my divorce and circumstances surrounding it, it became important years ago for my children to have a cell phone so that I could reach them directly when they were visiting their father.  It was a handy and easy solution, which worked out very well.  Maybe a little too well.
     I quickly became accustomed to details, details, details.  I spoke to my kids sometimes several times a day, and heard about what was going on in their friends lives, what they were wearing that day, plans for the evening…etc, etc, etc.  I heard it all.  The good, the bad and the ugly!  And that’s exactly what I wanted.  It’s why, even today, when they are much older, we are still very close.  I’m still involved in their daily lives and decisions.  Although as they become adults, maybe my opinions are not counting quite as much anymore!  They still like to talk to mom at least once or twice a day.  I’ve “got their back.” And they know it!
     Sometimes those calls are to cry on my shoulder (or technically, very loudly in my ear!).  Sometimes they are just for directions or discussion.  Sometimes they need help.  Sometimes just  to celebrate good news or update me on plans and ideas.  Sometimes to say good night or good morning if they are far away from me.  And sometimes there really is no reason, except that we need to hear each others voices and know we are each just a call away from the other. 
     Oh, how I enjoy and look forward to those calls from my babies.  They help me feel connected and centered in the middle of my sometimes chaotic and crazy world.  They stop the activity and daily business for a moment to remind me what is really important.  They reassure me that my offspring are doing okay.  That they are healthy (mostly), wealthy (in love) and (sometimes) wise.  They convince me that I am still important and needed.  Many times the last few words I say as they walk out my door are “I love you.  Call me.”
     Light bulb moment for me was when I realized these were God’s very words to me.  Almost exactly.  Over and over in scripture He says “I love you, call on me.”  Daily, hourly, often.  He wants the good, the bad and the ugly.  He wants to know He is important to me and needed by me.  He wants to cry with me, celebrate my victories, large and small, to give me directions and discussion.  He wants me to “update my status” with Him hourly.  He wants me to call and say good night and good morning.  He wants me to call him just to make sure we stay close and available.  He really does.  He’s my Father.  He wants the very same things from His offspring as I want from mine.  Details, details, details.  Kind of puts things in perspective, doesn’t it? 
     Even though I was saved as a child, for many years I thought of God as a large, imposing, distant presence in the sky.  He was all-knowing and very important.  I always had respect for Him and a sure knowledge that He was there and very much in control.  But in my mind, I needed to hide all my ugliness from Him.  Cover up my sins as best I could.  Only show Him the good parts of myself (many times, that made my time in His presence pretty limited!).  I am thankful for tragedies and heartache through the years that caused me to change my view of Him.  What an untapped resource I would have missed.  These days He’s my Counselor, my Defender, my Protector.  He hears all my details.  But mostly He’s simply my best friend.  My first call.
     When my kids disappoint me, when they make decisions that I don’t agree with, when they stumble and fall, it does not affect the deep love I feel in the core of my being for them.  And what I've learned is that even hearing about and seeing the most ugly parts of my life does not cause God to turn away from me.   His love is deep, constant and unconditional.  It is part of the core of His being.  He’s “got my back.” And my heart.  And my soul.  Nothing, ever, will change that.  Not even all my details details details!  These days I have Him on speed dial!  I call on Him many times a day...And I am so very grateful that He answers when I call, without fail, every time His phone rings!

No comments:

Post a Comment